Snapshot From the Map of Love

By Heidi Michel Fokine, September, 2015

Son #1 left for a new college last week. Today I’m on the Cross Sound Ferry issuing Son #2 back to school in Maine, where he will complete his senior year of high school (without incident or infraction, pass Spanish, and fully partake in the gifts and opportunities this educational experience has to offer).* Little does he know that every time I look at him, I map his freckles. I’m cool: He doesn’t know that instead of really listening to how he’s going to spend all his money on truck parts, I’m swimming in his translucence.

Son #1’s departure wasn’t as smooth. I got caught in the anxiety trap, lost sleep, and clutched too hard. After the first few texts from him at his new school, I knew he had forgiven me. More importantly, he’d found a good place to land and learn. I have him in my vision (clear, bright, happy, healthy: thriving).*

“Worrying is praying for what you don’t want,” someone said. How did it take 50+ years to hear that? With the prospect of an empty nest, I take a day off, surprise my husband with the gift of my time, my presence.

Ocean swimming was glorious this summer. For me, there’s an edge to it. How far out can I go before I start calculating the distance between me and the bottom, and what might be lurking there? Can I let the liquid-crystal water hold me, or do I race for shore, heart pounding?

I think of another quote: “Let go and let God.” This is so much better than “Let go and let your anxious mind wreck havoc on everything you care about. ” When I catch myself there, it’s “Inhale, exhale, pause.”

So it’s September. We return to the work of our lives. Letting go and letting God, letting love, letting breath, meeting challenges, letting life.

*Manifestation practice. What else can a mother do?!

Heidi Michel Fokine

A daydreamer by nature but not lacking the determination to pursue technique as a means to realize the dream, Heidi studied modern dance at North Carolina School of the Arts, graduating with a BFA in 1981. While working as a professional dancer in New York City she discovered yoga at Jivamukti in 1991, which led her to study in the Iyengar tradition with Genevieve Kapuler and Rodney Yee. She has also studied Light Body energy work and meditation with Diane Goldner, and movement with Martha Yoshida. She is currently studying Q'ero Shamanism with The Four Winds Society and is a full mesa carrier. Heidi acknowledges the influence her wonderful teachers and students have had on her life including her parents, sisters, husband Chris and sons Elias and Wyatt. She has been teaching on Shelter Island since 1995 and at Yoga Shanti in Sag Harbor since 1999 and was part of the faculty of the Yoga Shanti Teacher Training 2009-2014. She leads retreats and offers a 200hr TT at The Giving Room in Southold, NY.

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